House of Gucci is a film that shows how marriages crumble. And how some divorces can become toxic.
In this case, it led to Patrizia orchestrating her husband’s (Maurizio Gucci) murder in 1995.
I always wonder how two people can be so in love initially, and then after a couple of years, it can become such a destructive relationship.
No one ever enters into a relationship for the toxicity, yet it happens.
The key is how couples deal with conflict.
In the film, Maurizio encounters legal problems in the company and escapes to a ski resort, where Patrizia follows him.
With the moment tense for the couple, there’s a lot of resentment that builds up between the two. There are two moments that I thought led to their toxic relationship.
Moment One
In a meal with friends in the resort, Maurizio criticizes Patrizia’s way of storytelling. He alludes that no one wants to hear the details as she shares the elaborate story of where she got some macarons that she brought to the table.
Moment Two
In their bedroom, they fight about the situation of House of Gucci. And in the moment of rage, Patrizia calls Maurizio “the incompetent one.”
Both moments are riddled with criticism and judgment. This is no way to nurture a healthy relationship. Instead, couples can try to practice these tips:
Understand each other’s fighting styles.
Everyone has a different way of dealing with conflict. In our episode this week, Ciari says she is the type that walks away. And Mike is the type who prefers to resolve the issue by the end of the day.
You need to understand your partner’s fighting style so you can compromise on how to disagree healthily.
I once heard about this couple that fought while holding hands. They always say to each other, “I’m not upset at you. (States issue) bothers me, though..”
Or you can try Tito Boy Abunda’s advice: fight naked. Be vulnerable.
Learn to fight with compassion.
Words cannot be taken back. Once you say them, you can’t erase them. Choose your words wisely. Avoid judgmental language. For example, using the words: idiot, lazy, dumb, stupid, tanga. These words should never be used towards someone you love.
Try making a list of words you use to judge or criticize your partner. Then, commit to never use them.
Practice nonviolent communication (Also known as NVC).
Mahatma Gandhi inspired the NVC approach. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to communicate better in all kinds of relationships (love, family, work, friends, etc).
This book will teach you how to observe objectively, identify your needs and communicate compassionately. If you’re time-poor, reply to this email, and I’ll share some notes in the following newsletter.
“Observing without evaluation is the highest form of intelligence.”
— J. Krishnamurti.
Have independent lives.
Patrizia Reggiani's sentence was 26 years in prison. On her first appeal to be on parole, the condition was to find a job. She turned down the offer because she was terrified at the very idea of working. She told her lawyer, "I've never worked in my life, and I don't intend to start now."
To our modern Thirsty listeners, especially women, strive for an independent life so that you never get stuck in a co-dependent relationship. If you're unhappy in your relationship, leaving is always an option if you've carved some independence.
Journal Prompts:
What upsets you in relationship dynamics?
How do you fight or react to conflict?
What would you like to improve in your fighting style?
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This episode is all about Ciari’s pandemic romance with Mike. It’s all about consistent communication and a grand gesture of Panda Express Orange Chicken.
This episode is for anyone who has high standards, low standards or none at all. Or, if you’re just a KPOP fan! Ahem, BTS ARMY out there.
Every week, Ciari and I set a goal to improve our relationships. This newsletter is for anyone who wants to fall in love again.