How To Develop Thick Skin—30Qs with Carla Lizardo | Host, Beauty Queen & Streamer
Take little steps day by day.
Every week, Ciari and I set a goal to make our relationships better. Today, we look at facing rejection whether it’s through insults or hearing “no” to an opportunity you wanted. This newsletter is for anyone that’s gone through rejection and found it hard to recover. You’ll be ok. It’s never as bad as it seems in your head
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Carla Lizardo is our schoolmate. Since we were young, she has always been a tough chick since we’ve known her— an athlete at the core turned beauty queen when the opportunity came up. In this candid conversation, she shares with us a brutal moment in her 20s that made her cry in the toilet.
Ciari: So, were there certain things that you heard that challenged you with your confidence?
Carla: Oh, yeah, for sure. The first pageant I joined, mayroong (there was an) organizer who said, “Maybe, you should just try and join again in the future years. Kasi kung ilagay ka namin sa stage, magmumuka kang balyena.” (Because if we placed you on the stage, you would look like a whale.)
Although being called a whale made her cry, she used the insult as a driving force to make sure she won. She fortunately did. And from then on, she surrounded herself with good people from her fellow beauty queens to her mom.
Winning a pageant may seem like an overnight success for those that are watching in the audience. What they don’t realize is that winning is just the tip of the iceberg of what seems like a “spontaneous success.” There is no such thing.
In the hour we chatted with her, we laughed, cringed, and found ourselves vulnerable. She also candidly shared wisdom beyond beauty pageants and hosting. Here are our favorite quotes:
On the best advice that turned into a life mantra
Dream your dreams. Do your best. Never doubt. Never rest until that dream is yours.
Don't be afraid to quit. I know that this is something that not everyone has the privilege of doing. He (her dad) taught me that It's not a life failure…I think that's really helped me be more adventurous when it comes to taking risks with my career path. And it's led me here, a year now. But if not, then I would still trying to be making something that isn't working. Just to say that I'm succeeding.
On heartbreak in your youth
I feel like I've grown up so much when it comes to handling this kasi (because) I remember when I was in high school/college, the relationship wasn't even memorable. It wasn't even good. Like we didn't have anything in common pero noong nagbreak (when we broke up)…it was exactly how you described it…the end of the world. Umiiyak ako lagi. (I cried a lot.) I was eating with my parents outside and I just started crying. I didn't know how to deal with it. I was very idealistic that I’m always looking for the one pero hindi ko iniisip ano ba talaga ang qualities na hinahanap ko talaga. (But I didn’t think about the qualities I was looking for.)
On taking little steps, but knowing the bigger picture
I would just take little steps forward. Try lang ako ng try. (I would just try and try.) When I was in college even, it never occurred to me that I would be hosting for a living. I didn't even know that I could host for a living. But then, you know, when people would say, “why don't you try this?” or “Why don't you try that?” Mag-audition ka. (You should audition). And then I would just give my resumes. Once I found out that there was an opportunity for me there to stay in sports but on the hosting side, ang kapal lang ng mukha ko. (I just had thick skin.) I would really just say, “May opening ba dito?” (Is there an opening here?)…So, I just took little steps even if I didn’t really know the bigger picture. And then I followed it. I just kept on working on it. And every opportunity kahit na (even if)..Sorry, I know this isn’t good advice because people should get paid for their efforts, but I would take those opportunities. Because if I was gonna learn from it today, sige (ok), fine. But, that’s completely your decision. That was my decision. And it helped me grow also.
On the importance of not wallowing in despair
You can't just wallow in despair, because someone told you that you can't do it. Take it as constructive criticism na meron ka pa kailangan iimprove. (That you still have something to improve)
On what makes a good relationship
I think that you really have to have a good friendship to begin with. I believe that people really change so much over time. So you have to be able to go back to something like a really solid core. And then you need to have the same or not naman (really) the same values, but you need to be on the same page when it comes to like handling money, the values that you want to impart on your kids. You have to have important conversations before you know you fully commit to that person. And then just like a full acceptance of the other because obviously you're gonna see the good and the bad. So if you want to be in a good relationship, you have to be ready to accept every single side of that person and to help each other grow also to have the comfort to call each other out if something is wrong.
If you loved these quotes, you can check out the conversation below.
Two Things To Try This Week:
When rejection comes your way, the best way to counter the negative experience is to practice gratitude. There’s a recent article on Inc. that states there’s a more effective way to say thank you than what we are used to. This simple change is called “Gratitude 1-2-3” and only takes 15 seconds.
1. Be specific about your gratitude.
2. Recognize the effort.
3. Describe how it makes you feel.
Example: Thank you for calling and checking up on me! I know how busy your day is. Your call made me feel cared for.
& Paying Attention
Call a friend today. Ask them how they are and what they have been up to. Listen to them with child-like enthusiasm.
What To Watch: How to John Wilson, docu-comedy set in NYC / What To Read: Green Lights by Matthew McConaughey for his beautiful prose/ What To Listen: Paralysed by Warpaint, Episode 29 — Single, Taken, Married, Episode 30 — The Eligible Bachelor and Bachelorette