Relationship Skill #2: How To Thrive In A Relationship
A few months ago, I talked to a coach about DTR (Determine The Relationship) and why these situations have gotten blurry. She didn’t have a clear answer for me, but she did give me a framework that made me stop thinking that rejection (ghosting, friend-zoning, and the like) was the end of the world. And before getting hooked on someone, think about this framework and if the relationship serves both people.
She said that two people needed to work on five essential ingredients in every relationship or potential relationship. Without one, there would be friction between two people. Finally, she hit me with the truth— chemistry is not enough.
It can be instant or a slow burn. There’s no one way to have chemistry. For some people, they are luckier to have it with someone straight off the bat. So how do you work on this? Be curious. Ask questions. Practice your conversational skills.
Something specific: Never say no to a second date. Some people are bad at first dates, so give them a second shot unless they have alarmingly red flags.
2) Common Goals
Look, if you share your goals with someone and they don’t align, that will be an issue in the future. So don’t be coy with plans. Share them. The sooner you know, the better.
Something specific: Ask them what life they see having.
From our Mo Twister episode, if a guy or girl doesn’t want to commit and you’ve spent enough time with them, walk away. Don’t bother wasting your time.
Something specific: If there’s someone you are vaguely dating, talk to them and say what you want. Trust me, being chill is not worth it.
We all know we want someone you can be vulnerable and honest with. But, another crucial communication aspect is how two people fight. If you can fight well with someone, then that’s a keeper.
Something specific: Talk about your fighting styles, what you do like and don’t like. You can even chat about how you like getting feedback.
In every relationship, there will be disagreements. Consensus is about working together for a win-win. It allows for mutual opinions and ways of being. There is dialogue, negotiation, and compromise.
Something specific: Talk about a topic you disagree on.
Alright, how about the single ones? Don’t worry. I’ve got you. This podcast by Paul Dolan from the London School of Economics has some great insights on how people are incredibly judgmental of other people’s choices on modern love and relationships. Being aware of these judgments will make us better partners when the time is right. Or, at least comfort you that the pressure is made-up!
This Week’s Episode: Music, Lyrics & Tattoos—Our guests this week are both DJs in the music industry, Patty Tiu-Thompson & Mark Thompson. They got married last July 2020 and, in true style, had their rings tattooed on their fingers. We have a conversation with them on their incredible love story!
Every week, Ciari and I set a goal to make our relationships better. This newsletter is for anyone that wants to improve their personal lives.
If you are going through a rough patch, an exciting relationship moment, or want to express your thoughts, please email us back at email@example.com. We’d love to hear from you. And, if you have a friend that might need this right now, share this post.