Lessons From Andrea Barrica, A Sexual Wellness Tech Entrepreneur
& Episode 22 Highlights on Romcoms & Romdramas
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Have you ever looked up the meaning of grit? You’ll see that it means “courage and resolve; strength of character.” I associate this word with Andrea Barrica, our guest for this week’s 30 Questions with Thriving Women (Episode 5).
Her story is one that embodies a grit mindset. She started her entrepreneurial journey at 20 by creating inDinero.com, a financial solution for growing startups. Today, she is a sexual wellness entrepreneur with her second venture, O.school, a judgment-free multimedia platform to learn about sexuality and pleasure through videos, live chat, live streams, and more. You’ll see her in the pages of Glamour, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, SXSW, TED & Viceland. She was also a venture partner at 500 Startups, a global venture capital fund.
Her entrepreneurial journey is a reminder that if you want to start your own business, you need to be in it for the long-run and around the right people.
Startups are some of the hardest experiences you can go through… I didn't just start on my own. I worked for the smartest woman I knew. She called me right as I was done with college, and she said, "Hey, let's build an accounting software." And we worked together for over three years. And then I worked in venture capital for two years, and then I raised money and started doing the startup, but it wasn't overnight, and nothing is overnight.
Here are some insights we got from our conversation with Andrea:
On product — Think about the role your product plays in someone’s life.
A lot of first time founders, they obsess about the product. But serial or experienced founders obsess about marketing and distribution. It's the hardest part. The non-obvious things about it are channel. This is something that at O.school we think about all the time. It's not just creating the right product, but really understanding what is your product going to be in someone's life…if you think about it, like a job, like every product you use in your life, you're hiring it to do a job for you in something. It's a person in your life, or it's a role in your life, or it's doing a task for you.
On roadblocks and not making work your life — Learn to delight yourself. Learn that your world doesn’t have to be your work or your business.
There's a common advice— call your advisors and get advice. But sometimes, what I feel is you have to go more inward. And so, sexual pleasure is one. There's also a practice of following where your delight is. A delight list is actually one of my favorite things to do with women, especially when I ask them, "What do you want? What do you want? What is it that you really want?" And if they can't tell me. I learn a lot about them. I send homework, and I'm like, "okay, go and make a list of things that delight you." Delight doesn't have to be a sexual thing. For me, on my delight list is getting my hair blow-dried by someone else. Things that delight bring me back in my body. And when you do things like that, I find intuition comes in, and you're like, "Oh, I know what to do." But I think when you are overly obsessed, you become less creative.
On backlash — Backlash allows you to know who’s on your team or not.
It's really hard to change culture. And to base a business on that is challenging. But the backlash that people gave me, oftentimes, was just based on what I saw as their limiting beliefs. I don't have those beliefs. For me, when you're an entrepreneur, and you're building something that you want to change the world, you have to imagine the future. Here's the future when O.school succeeds. And here's the future if we don't succeed. I do not believe that the future is going to be more conservative. I think it's going to be the other way around. I'm willing to bet with my life, which is the most important thing to bet with, right? It's more important than money, which is your time to make an impact, and I'm willing to bet my life on that. So when people don't believe it's actually the one thing I will say that I like about all the backlash that I've had, is, it's very easy to see who's on our team—who believes or who doesn't. Because I've even had investors who told me, "Oh, I'm not gonna invest, never gonna work. But then, [they] stop me before I go to the bathroom and ask me five questions about their marriage. How can they? So it's a lot of hypocrisy.
On being a founder and leadership — The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer, and Visionary
I've received a lot of good advice…I love my four mantras called The Four-fold Way. I have a big tattoo of it….it's this book about indigenous leadership. And there's four archetypes of a leader. There's a warrior, a healer, a teacher, and a visionary. And they all have a mantra. It's something that I live by. I tried to write in my journal about it and think about it on all my decisions. There are simple mantras: the warrior is show up and choose to be present. The healer is pay attention to the heart and meaning. The visionary is tell the truth without blame or judgment. And the teacher is be open to outcome but not attached to outcome. And those are the ways I tried to lead and it's one of my favorite books called ‘The Four-fold Way.’
What We Learned From Sam Lee & Quark Henares on Romcoms & Romdramas:
Sam Lee & Quark Henares are modern-day storytellers and film directors. They have a way of encapsulating real love stories through their films, such as Baka Bukas & Rakenrol. We asked them to share how romcoms and romdramas can be healthy for you if we look at the plot lines differently. Rewatch the episode here.
Use romantic films to redefine love. Rewatch them and take note of the red flags. Take example, Notting Hill. If you watch this film, you'll notice that Julia Roberts' character has so many red flags. Be aware of them.
Romcoms can show your emotional triggers. A trigger is a surprise that we get when someone we love causes us to have a reaction that we haven't processed yet. What you can't stand for in the plots of the films are your triggers.
Watching a romcom is entering into a fantasy world. Think of Harry Potter. It's a fun escape. But also remember that it's not real life.
Romcoms give you the wrong idea that romance is time-bound. Actually, It can happen in any time of your life— your 20s, 30s, or later in life.
For a friend that loves romcoms:
Foot Notes:
What To Watch: Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind - Imagine if you could erase memories after a horrible breakup.
What To Read: How To Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love by Logan Ury - We want you to date with more intention. This book will help you do so.
What To Listen To: Better in Blak by Thelma Plum - When you want to feel cute.
& Things To Try
Virtual date tip of the week: Send each other your favorite cocktail. And set up a digital bar with I Miss My Bar. You can take it up a notch by making your cocktails.
Create a delight list of 10 to 20 experiences that make you happy. Keep it as a personal reference.
List 3 optimists and 3 pessimists in your life. Make them your people for when you need to make an important decision.
This Week’s Episode — Episode 24 K-Drama Fantasy to Reality
Adrienne shares her ridiculous k-drama love story! And, we also talk to Mat, who pretended to be a Korean boyfriend for a day. You don’t want to miss this episode.
“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” - Esther Perel