Dating is no Disneyland. It’s not always the happiest place on earth. And for some, it can be frustrating, confusing, and tiring.
Worse, it can lead to what we call love budol (a scam in English). If you haven’t watched The Tinder Swindler, please do. That’s the worst of it.
I recently finished Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.” I believe this book should be required reading for any person— single, taken, or married.
As a gist, Steve Harvey says that “there is no truer statement: men are simple.” If we took the time to understand them, we would avoid being ghosted or troubled in our relationships.
This post is for the female subscribers, but don’t worry, I’ll make one for the male subscribers too! Men, tell me what you think by replying to this email.
Here are five Steve Harvey quotes:
1. Men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.
Ciari and I recently guested on comedian Victor Anastiacio’s show Sabayan with Victor. We asked him why he was not ready to settle down in his first relationship. And he mentioned this quote from Steve Harvey’s book. It was a light bulb moment.
This line reminded me of all the women waiting for proposals or stuck in their relationships. If the person you’re dating is still unclear about the above, he can’t be the man he wants to be to you. So it’s now a question if you’re willing to wait or you will toe the line.
2. There are three ways that a man can show his genuine intention for you: profess, provide and protect.
Don’t expect a man to be your girlfriend, the kind that will talk to you for hours or shop with you. They are capable, but this is not how they show genuine interest.
Steve Harvey says that “Real men extend themselves to women they care about.” For you to know if he is serious, look out for these three signs:
He professes his interest to you and to the people he cares about. He will introduce you to his family, friends, and colleagues as his girlfriend. He won’t call you “his friend.”
He provides for you to show his care. There are many ways to go about it, whether it’s gifts, money, or time. For example, if you’re sick, he won’t be there for you all day. But, he will make sure you have food and medicine at your bedside table.
He protects you when you’re vulnerable. If you’re in a dire situation, he will develop a solution. His reaction is also an excellent way to see if someone is a lifelong partner. How he reacts to a poor situation is everything.
Happy times are easy. But when the going gets tough, that’s where you can see if someone is there for you in the long-run.
3. Dating is a lot like business; the best way to become successful is to master and control things you have control over.
Women, at times, are anxious and not secure of themselves. As a result, they can overthink how men react to everything.
A man’s reaction is never something you can control. Instead, you can manage your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you. Focus on that.
A man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: 1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and 2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.
Steve Harvey suggests sticking to a 90-day rule of not sleeping with someone. I’ve heard this a lot from men. Whether you believe this or not, I think one should value themselves. Don’t be a doormat or a martyr.
5. I truly believe that’s why there are so many women in their mid-thirties unmarried— because somewhere along with the line, they just didn’t put their foot down and move on.
Setting your standards is essential. Unfortunately, I’ve learned this the hard way. Right now, I’m still practicing how to be clearer. It’s a work in progress. Don’t compromise your standards just because you fear losing that person.
In the process, I’ve learned that you can always communicate your standards without sounding aggressive or defensive. Be direct and specific. Use softer language. And don’t forget to appreciate men when it’s warranted. There’s nothing like a bruised ego.
Journal Prompts
These are five full-proof questions from Steve Harvey for any potential romantic interest. However, I do think these are also important questions to ask yourself to gain more clarity.
Just a side note, please don’t run through these questions like a job interview. Take some mental notes as you enjoy spending time with someone.
What are your short-term goals?
What are your long-term goals?
What are your views on relationships?
What do you think about me?
How do you feel about me?
This Wednesday on March 2 9PM
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Every week, Ciari and I set a goal to improve our relationships. This newsletter is for anyone who wants to fall in love again.