In our earlier season, we guested Mo Twister, known for his brutal honesty. He is a legend in the Philippine radio industry. He now hosts a podcast called Good Times with Mo. He said one thing that I'll never forget:
"Once in your life, you will either get cheated on, or you will cheat."
In high school, we are all taught that cheating is awful. So I always thought I would never forgive a cheater. Or I will never cheat.
Till life happened. When I think about this, I suffer from imposter syndrome, thinking about how I can write this newsletter or host Thirsty and Thirty, advising people on smarter love.
But that's the thing with love, romance, and lust. It can blindside you. And, if there is anything I believe about relationships— it's work. It will help if you stay aware of yourself and others.
Recently, we guested an infidelity expert, Lissy Puno. She is a relationship therapist and author of the book, "Affairs Don't Just Happen."
I recommend reading the book before infidelity happens. Or listen to our conversation with her.
But if you only have five minutes, here are three lessons we learned from the podcast episode:
Talk about your vulnerability with your partner. It's unavoidable to be attracted to other people and to have situations where you can get tempted. Lissy shared that it's better to talk about this with your partner before anything happens.
Cherish the other person. As cheesy as the word sounds, there's something about always making your partner feel special. Make them a cup of coffee every day. Kiss them. Go for an occasional grand gesture. When you feel safe and comfortable in a relationship, that's what it feels like to be cherished.
People can recover from infidelity, but it takes two people and a lot of work. There are stages: protect, repair, and recover. Here's an insightful interview with relationship expert Esther Perel.
We have a new instagram page! Send us your love questions.
Reflections on Infidelity
1. What went wrong? And what were the signs I may have not noticed?
2. Is this worth recovering from? Or is it better to let go?
3. And is the other person committed to working on this with me?
Smarter Love Research
Favorite Quotes From Our Episode
"Women want to be treasured. Men want to be admired. We all have our reasons."
"Nothing good happens after three in the morning. So if your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse is out every Friday, partying and clubbing, you're putting yourself at risk. You're putting the relationship at risk."
"People get married but never form connected lives. It's like two people living parallel lives."
Watch
Read
Marriage Is a Team Sport
Approach disagreements with your partner not as a “me,” but as a “we.”
Listen
This twenty-something couple is mature beyond their years. In this episode, they talk about how they've grown in their relationship and how fitness improves them.
Every week, Ciari and I set a goal to improve our relationships. This newsletter is for anyone who believes in smarter and healthier love.